


Ah, It's a Wonderful Catboy Life

by hibiren



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cat/Human Hybrids, Catboy!Reno AU, Catboys & Catgirls, Fluff and Humor, Fluff without Plot, Humor, M/M, Self-Indulgent, Silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:28:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29366298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hibiren/pseuds/hibiren
Summary: Rude's adventures in sharing a too-small apartment with a redheaded catboy who has a bad habit of knocking things off of countertops.
Relationships: Reno/Rude (Compilation of FFVII)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *title from ["Ah, it's a Wonderful Cat Life"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaiU_sSifGc&ab_channel=Enasaur) (it's a vocaloid song, yes I know, but it's one of my favorites! Actually, it was one of the things that first exposed me to the catboy trope ages ago and I LOVED it)*
> 
> this started because I was daydreaming about cats and catboys today and how I've really been wanting to write some catboy!Reno, or even write at ALL this year because nothing I've been working on has been sounding right. Maybe starting something new, and silly, and self-indulgent would help - so, I'm not sure how many chapters this may be but have some silly catboy shenanigans! It's February but I *finally* managed to post something, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay~ I pretty much wrote this in one sitting so I apologize for anything that doesn't make sense ; u ;
> 
> Modern setting (not featuring any canon locations etc, modern technology), "Reno-has-been-a-catboy-this-whole-time" first meeting AU

He doesn’t talk much, if at all. That much Rude is certain of. His name, Reno, is carved into the little tag that dangles from the thick red collar at his neck, hanging next to a bell. The bell is helpful. Sometimes. When Rude can’t sleep, he’ll just hear a frantic _jinglejinglejinglejingle_ as Reno darts back and forth across the apartment like Rude does if he’s running late for work and can’t find his keys. He’s not necessarily looking for something, but he gets all his energy at night, and most specifically when Rude is trying to sleep.

Reno might not be able to speak much but on the other hand, his ears and tail seem to do all the communicating for him. When Rude comes home from work, Reno’s tail will stick straight up and just the tip of it will dip into a little curl - he’ll stretch across the couch like he’d been sleeping all morning (he probably has, no surprise) and offer a little chirp as Rude sheds his jacket and shoes and steps inside. On the opposite end of his fluctuating mood, when irritated Reno’s ears will flick backwards and sometimes lay flat against his hair, depending on how bad his mood becomes. This happens, most frequently, with situations involving his food dish (which is actually a dog bowl, but Reno doesn’t have to know that). Reno will stare at Rude intensely with his bright seaglass cat eyes while jabbing an accusatory finger-point at the fact that the bottom of the bowl is showing, regardless of how much of whatever is in there is still in it. He’ll open his mouth, show his fangs, and grumble with disdain at the fact that he apparently feels like he must be being starved on purpose like some kind of cruel joke. One time, when Rude was eating at his kitchen table, Reno picked up his food dish and dropped it with a heavy clatter onto the table at an empty seat next to Rude, staring at him and then to the bowl and back again. Like he was saying, _I want to eat up here too, the floor is dirty._

“Fine,” Rude had said after Reno’s hair bristled out in his apparent irritation to sit with him, “but don’t make a mess. And sit down properly.”

‘Sitting down properly’ turned out to be awkwardly bundling up his legs against the table edge while picking at his food with his fingers, but it was good enough for Rude to allow and it kept Reno happy. Reno’s bright red tail swished happily as he ate, purring the entire time he stuffed his face with bits of rotisserie chicken from the grocery store down the street. It was just so comically strange a sight to see him all scrunched up at the table, Rude had to stop himself from laughing or he knew Reno would continue to do ridiculous things just to make him lose it.

On the subject of food; Rude doesn’t feed him that hard stuff that one would usually give to a domestic cat. He deserves to eat better than that, especially since he’s human (?????) to some degree. Reno eats fish, and meat, and sometimes a small serving of whatever Rude is having for dinner. He likes pizza. But hates when his hands get dirty and will spend a good thirty minutes at the very least cleaning every speck of pizza grease off his fingers with his tongue. Rude once tried to explain the concept of handwashing to him, but the redhead just blinked, stared, ruffled his hair with one hand and went right back to cleaning himself with his tongue.

Whatever he is, and wherever he came from, this creature is the most stubborn thing that Rude has ever known. It only took a couple of days making himself comfortable for Reno to start knocking cups and bottles and picture frames off of countertops. Rude knew to hide his favorite pairs of sunglasses very, very well after losing his best ones to Reno’s nighttime shenanigans.

Reno is also very insistent on trying to groom Rude’s head for some reason. He must be confused at the fact that Rude doesn’t have any hair there, or if he can even grow any at all. Like he’s a big, strange, almost-hairless cat that Reno must think can’t groom himself right. Or like a kitten that has to be taught how to clean itself. The moment Rude first felt that sandpapery tongue on his head, he cringed and tried to shoo Reno away, to no avail. Rude had no choice but to just sit back with Reno’s arms draped lazily across his shoulders (to keep him sitting on the couch and not able to escape easily) while Reno ran his tongue across Rude’s head, over and over until he was apparently satisfied that his mostly hairless and grooming-incapable human was clean to his standards. Rude’s head was very sore that day, and he went to work wearing a hat, refusing to take it off no matter how many people stared at him.

How long has it been? Rude lost count of the days fairly early on. Reno had just showed up in his apartment one day, completely naked aside from the collar and yowling like he was dying of hunger. Rude couldn’t just kick him out to the outside no matter how strange everything was - and definitely not while he was naked, his apartment neighbors would _definitely_ get the wrong idea. He had to borrow some of Rude’s clothes at first; everything was way too big, but it worked until he could get to the store to buy Reno something more fitting. 

It’s only been a few weeks, but Reno immediately settled in like he had belonged in Rude’s apartment the entire time. It was better for Rude to stop questioning every little thing Reno did and just learn to live with a catboy for a roommate.

It isn’t all bad. Sometimes at night when Reno’s too tired to run around, he’ll just push the door open and curl up at the foot of Rude’s bed, tucking his tail over his nose. Sometimes he’ll chew on it a bit in his sleep, if he’s feeling particularly anxious, but will calm down if Rude rubs his back. He’s not good at asking for affection when he really needs it, and neither is Rude. In that way, they work well together. Rude doesn’t feel so lonely at night anymore, and in a strange sort of way, it’s nice to know he can come home and have someone waiting there for him, and be happy that he’s come back. Rude always considered himself to be good with animals and had taken care of quite a few pets throughout his life, but never anything quite like this. Reno was lucky that cats were his favorite, or he’d have had a lot more difficulty adjusting to Reno’s behaviors.

His next venture, after getting Reno adjusted to wearing clothes, is teaching Reno to talk. He knows it’s likely not going to go too well, but Reno is able to sort of form words past “meow” when he wants something specific, usually while pointing at the thing he’s trying to talk about. So it’s possible, but it’s not going to be easy. It would just be a lot easier for Rude to ask Reno what he wants and receive a proper answer instead of just a silent, uncomfortable stare and rapid-swishing tail. Small things. Progress. One thing at a time.

_I can’t believe I’m doing this,_ Rude thinks to himself, _I should be blogging about this… or something._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reno learns how to talk, sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently 2/22 is Cat Day in Japan! So I decided to write another chapter of catboy!Reno adventures since the day seemed fitting for it~ have some silly/wholesome catboy adventures to celebrate!

Trying to teach Reno to talk is very difficult, but there is one word he was able to learn before anything else. And he uses it a lot. And it’s always when he wants something. Not the word that Rude was trying for, at first, but it’s good enough.

“Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude~?”

“Yeah?”

“Ruuuuuuuuuuuuude.”

“What?”

“Rude. Rude.”

Rude sighs and glances over to Reno from the kitchen as he makes himself dinner. Reno is splayed out across the couch staring at Rude with his head hanging upside-down off the back edge of the cushions, and he flashes a goofy, fanged grin Rude’s way as he speaks again.

“Ruuuuuuuude~ _meow?”_

“If you’re trying to tell me you’re hungry, I heard you the first time,” Rude says with a soft chuckle, glancing up for a moment to see Reno’s bright red tail swishing excitedly at the mention of food. “Dinner’s almost ready though. I really wish you knew more words, like _please,_ for one. You might be half cat or something, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have manners too. One day we’ll have you talking in full sentences… I hope.”

Reno huffs in response and stretches, deciding to spend the next couple of minutes picking at his hair meticulously like he’s searching for some kind of distraction from their (mostly one-sided) conversation.

“We can start with _yes_ and _no._ How’s that?” Rude demonstrates the meaning of both words with a nod and a shake of his head. Reno gets this ridiculous smirk on his face and then stands up.

“Oh,” Reno says, rather loudly following with, _“no!”_ in the same tone Rude uses when scolding him. As if to say, _oh yes, I already know that one._

“Well, that’s half of that.” Alright, that’s two words that Reno knows now. At least, that’s two words that Rude recognizes that Reno knows the meaning of.

“No!”

Rude has seen many things in his life, but never did he expect to have a roommate of the (apparently ‘magical’? Non-human?) variety. One that just appeared in his life like it was some kind of fated encounter, someone he was now stuck with. It’s not like he minds this at all - in fact, he’s come to love the company - but there are still some moments that are just too… weird… for him to handle.

“Is that your new favorite word now, catboy?”

“Nooooooo~”

“Really, now.” Rude just keeps talking to him, hoping it’ll get Reno used to the idea of conversation a bit easier if he feels like what he’s contributing is worthwhile. That, or Reno’s just playing with him. Maybe he already knows how to talk and this is just him having fun at Rude’s expense. But Rude doubts that because he’ll say something relatively simple to Reno and he’ll just receive a blank stare in response until Rude shows him what he’s trying to get him to say in return.

“Mm! No~! _Meow-meow~”_

“Yeah, _meow-meow~_ right back at you. Speaking of that, it’s dinner time. C’mon.”

Reno tilts his head, a bit confused at their exchange, but ruffles his hair and steps over to the table so he can awkwardly settle himself into his chair again.

As they eat, Rude tries to keep him engaged, but most of Reno’s responses end up just being varying degrees of intensity of: “Rude.” “Ruuude?” “Rude!!” and the occasional meow, all undertoned by a soft purring while they shared their meal.

While Reno is in the midst of his usual post-meal cleaning session, Rude decides it’s time for another venture in catboy domestication.

“We oughta get you used to taking showers. It’ll save you some time with all that, uh, licking.”

_“Mew?”_

When Rude makes his way over to the bathroom (with Reno following a bit too close for comfort, of course, as cats tend to do) and pushes the door open, Reno’s eyes immediately beeline toward the toilet. There’s a sparkle in his eyes that Rude honestly fears, and Rude makes a very obvious pointing gesture toward the bathtub-shower combo toward the back of the bathroom instead.

“This, Reno. It’s a shower. You get in, turn it on, and water comes out. You can use that to wash yourself so you don’t have to spend three hours licking yourself every day. Takes about fifteen minutes instead.”

Reno makes a soft, interested _mrrp?_ and takes a step closer. When Rude pulls the curtain aside, Reno stares into the bathtub and then glances back to the toilet, like the oddly-placed ‘water bowl’ makes more sense than the larger, emptier one.

“Don’t even think about it,” Rude says as he leans down to turn on the bathtub faucet. Reno’s shoulders immediately hunch up at the sound. His tail curls and he hisses loudly while taking a few quick steps backward toward the door when he realizes it _is_ water that comes out of that thing. Reno makes an angry face and his ears are flat against his head as he points at it and scolds, _“No.”_

“Alright, no showering for you for now, then. We’ll… we’ll get you there someday.” Possibly never, because Rude has never met a cat that actually _enjoyed_ being in water - so Reno would, if he adjusts, manage to surprise him in that aspect too. “It’s fine that you don’t want to, but I’m going to shower. Give me ten minutes and I’ll be out, okay?”

Reno shrugs, stretches his arms over his head, and his ears flick upwards in acknowledgment, leaving Rude alone in the bathroom to shower. That lasts about five minutes, because when Rude is in the middle of washing himself, he hears a slightly-muted yowling coming from outside the cracked bathroom door.

“What?”

“Ruuuuu _uuuuude!”_

“Yeah? Are you okay?”

Reno lets out a quiet _meow_ before adding, as Rude sticks his head out of the shower so he can hear better, “Lonely.”

_Where did he learn that one?_

“Lonely, huh? Well, alright. If you want to sit in here with me while I’m finishing up, you can. I’ll only be a couple more minutes.”

The door practically slams open as Reno pushes it, and Rude can see the catboy’s silhouette frantically dancing around in the bathroom through the shower curtain. Rude pokes his head out from behind the shower curtain again and says, “Hey, relax, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Okay?”

“Mm.”

Reno smiles and sits down against the wall opposite the toilet, and he starts cleaning himself as if in solidarity for Rude’s shower-time.

“You know,” Rude says, over the hum of the pouring shower water, “If you ever get lonely you can just tell me, and we’ll find something to do together. That reminds me, actually… I just realized something. We should take you for a check-up… but… do I take you to the doctor, or to the vet?”

_“Meow?”_

“Probably… yeah, probably the vet.”

**Author's Note:**

> if you wanna keep up with me, I'm on twitter (18+) as [duskynebula!](https://twitter.com/duskynebula)


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